Yeah that’s insane, you are legally allowed to make any mark and it’s a signature. But cops are above the law, so

Came out of government-funded research actually. Back when we could still achieve scientific feats on behalf of our country.

Antitoxin serum!? You gonna tell me what I should put in my kids bodies? Hell no! That’s communisocialism

Some say this is just a coverup story for the murder of the ladle inventor whose family in Kilkenny still claim rightful ownership of that patent, but today arguing with Big Spoon is just asking for it

It works if you’re like 22 and have few responsibilities and much free time.

If you’re 44, fuck that noise, I got a routine to keep or everything will fall apart.

They have royal pie takers who, according to the Magna Carta, have to stand in.

Cheerleader Chicken and I feel like Netflix has already started working on the pilot

The original is great and it’s incredible to inspire no matter

I’m in this weird middle ground where I hate FB with a passion and it depresses me every time I log in, but I need to create a personal brand for my business (and to get laid, who am I kidding) and honestly I’m thinking about getting one of my friends to run it for me, which seems weird but

There’s rabbit girl, who is this anorexic as fuck lady who runs about 20 miles a day, looks just like a sinewy, starved rabbit hop hop hopping along

You know how we installed that system and have been waiting for a chance to see how it works

My boss just lies. My predecessor DID have open heart surgery, and retired so he could have a heart replacement, so he missed a lot of time. They used to have a “sick time bank” but turned it off and enabled rollover instead. So my boss apparently just told everyone he was in his office for 6 weeks while he was hospitalized. Nice, but shouldn’t have to risk your own career and retirement to be human.

Hey smuggle in some of that sweet sweet fentanyl to boost your profits

About a year ago, we started seeing that “this app is depreciating” warning and sure enough, snatched up. But it does still work for now.

It’s because for the Average Joe, having a TV box at the end of your driveway that has the latest big number on it is important. It’s how they gain their identity. Do not upset them for obvious reasons.

In Arkansas you’re now allowed to shoot at the feet of cashiers who sass you, so they keep tabs on it

Which is every morning and most afternoons

Had a disc blow out last month, and I still have XR morphine from my friend dying of cancer, and whoa but this dude is right

But after a few days you really want a more potent opiate. Which, don’t worry, you will still take with the morphine cause you’re dependent now.

Thankfully they did emergency surgery or I’d be on the way to becoming a statistic.

Yep two fingers means “I’m from here” so I love the puzzled looks.

I learned to do this growing up, the two fingers up off the steering wheel, and I instinctively do it in rural areas now, it always cracks my husband up when this gay city dude is waving at country rednecks and they’re waving back