I don’t have any Viagra, though.

  • phoenixarise@lemmy.world
    32·
    3 days ago

    Cis female here: isn’t it good for men to get off a little so they can last longer for sex? Or am I getting the wrong kind of sex information from There’s Something About Mary? 😂

    Any men or AMAB feel free to chime in!

    • prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      181·
      2 days ago

      I think the better strategy is to just fuck again after like a 10-15 min break. The first one doesn’t count if it’s too quick lol

    • TimewornTraveler@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      222·
      3 days ago

      it’s complicated. there’s a refractory period, of course, but there can also be an impact on the greater libido over time. testosterone cycles at i think 24 hrs in men, and it can build up over several days. so he might get less hard, or stay hard for less time, if it’s frequently been used lately.

      and believe it or not, focusing on cumming really quickly while masturbating can make you cum faster with a partner too. think about it like psychologically conditioning yourself. that will vary with how he prefers to masturbate though. so edging might not be the worst practice in that list. but i guess chaffing is also a factor then. it’s complicated!

    • boonhet@sopuli.xyz
      141·
      3 days ago

      Depends. If I jerk off, I might not cum at all, which some partners take to mean they’re not tight or attractive enough, but really it’s because I’m way rougher with myself than I should be. It’s not a huge issue if you don’t have death grip.

      Now if I haven’t came in 3 days and I have sex, I’m lasting 5 minutes tops once we get to the penetration part, because I’m way too horny at this point. So there’s a balance to be found.

      If I’m in a relationship where I have daily or near daily sex and don’t masturbate, I don’t really have problems either way.

  • lurch (he/him)@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    321·
    3 days ago

    so you’re telling us you can’t recover from jerking off over night? AFAIK it’s normal for a healthy man to recover multiple times per day, he might just get sore after a while.

  • peoplebeproblems@midwest.socialEnglish
    32·
    3 days ago

    You wanna know what? I’ll come out and say it. It turns out a lot of guys older than 25 get ED.

    I did. Mine was mental health related BUT the medicines are safe enough that the doc said I didn’t even really need to list all the symptoms, just saying “can’t get it up all the time” or “won’t stay up” and they’ll get you something.

    So long as you don’t have heart problems.

    They only tell you about that nasty 4 hour side effect. There’s another one too - it can make you last a lot longer. Like I can’t stress this enough. Sounds cool, until your partner finished half an hour ago and you just don’t have the energy to keep at it. Good news is that the exhaustion and frustration usually prevents that 4 hour side effect 2-3 hours in advance.

    Its stupid cheap too.

    • Victor@lemmy.world
      12·
      3 days ago

      Sometimes I wish I had ED so I would match my wife’s lowered libido after two kids. But nope, just as spry as when I was a teenager. Grass always greener, eh.

      Edit: it’s actually pretty fine. I nag her charmingly and we get it done, a bit less often than I want, but enough. Masturbation keeps me at bay.

      • peoplebeproblems@midwest.socialEnglish
        13·
        3 days ago

        Yeah, been there.

        It’s honestly a lot easier after the divorce. When I was living with her it was a constant caveman brain going “woman to mate with! Must mate!” And mate she did with another man.

              • peoplebeproblems@midwest.socialEnglish
                7·
                3 days ago

                I will say there are biological interests, but I’m far from being emotionally ready yet.

                Therapist says I have to get to a point where I don’t freeze trying to talk to a woman first. I have done that, a couple of times now. Still not quite ready.

                • dubyakay@lemmy.ca
                  4·
                  3 days ago

                  Interesting. Freeze in what way? The traumatic thousand yard stare way? Or the awkward stammering “hi my name is gorgeous you are peoplebeproblems” way?

      • prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        2·
        2 days ago

        I might be wrong, but I think ED is different than low libido… You’ll still have sexual desire, you just can’t physically do anything about it.

        If you’re depressed as well, maybe try an SSRI. Two birds with one stone lol.

        • Victor@lemmy.world
          1·
          2 days ago

          You’re probably right about the ED vs low libido. I was mostly kidding, kind of. 😅 But still good info and good correction!

      • TimewornTraveler@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        3·
        3 days ago

        starting an anti-depressant has helped me a lot with that. it’s a feared side effect but sexual preoccupation can also be really exhausting. now I still enjoy it but it doesn’t have to be as often; the desire factor still strong but not overwhelming. and the sensation is totally the same - just takes longer for the gun to fire, and it’s less urgent to do so all the time.

    • Chozo@fedia.io
      9·
      3 days ago

      They only tell you about that nasty 4 hour side effect. There’s another one too - it can make you last a lot longer. Like I can’t stress this enough. Sounds cool, until your partner finished half an hour ago and you just don’t have the energy to keep at it. Good news is that the exhaustion and frustration usually prevents that 4 hour side effect 2-3 hours in advance.

      SSRIs can have a similar effect. Like, thanks medicine, just one more thing to make me depressed.

      • ParadoxSeahorse@lemmy.world
        3·
        3 days ago

        There’s evidence that even if SSRIs work (and there is some doubt due to study bias), what they definitely do is significantly increase the risk of what they call adverse or harmful events, so there’s that too, sorry.

  • Noxy@pawb.socialEnglish
    144·
    3 days ago

    why the negativity about masturbation? even jokingly, it’s reinforcing a bullshit guilt that we should be trying to eliminate, not reinforce

    • IngeniousRocks (They/She) @lemmy.dbzer0.com
      283·
      3 days ago

      Gooning isn’t just masturbating. While its absolutely healthy do make a decision to spend the whole day masturbating as a choice, spontaneously deciding on a goon sesh because someone wanted to crank one out real quick is evidence of an unhealthy relationship with sexual Self-conduct. If one cannot resist the urge to excessively masturbate, thereby damaging an Upcoming planned sexual encounter with a loved one, one can assume they have an unhealthy relationship with masturbation and should seek help if they can.

          • DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social
            510·
            3 days ago

            Here’s some professional tips then:

            1: Dudes don’t have 24 hour refractory periods unless they have a medical condition.

            2: People literally use gooning to mean any masturbation. Not some weird image of hours long wank fests, and that still wouldn’t make their dick not work the next day

            3: Minority groups can internalize racism, and sex workers can internalize puritanism.

            • prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone
              71·
              2 days ago

              People literally use gooning to mean any masturbation.

              I don’t think this is really true though, generally. Gooning definitely has a very specific connotation.

              • DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social
                1·
                2 days ago

                I don’t think you understand how the puritans think, but I’ll accept that there’s plenty of room for sane people to use it to mean wank fests and NoFap types to think it means a single act all in the same conversation with neither realizing the other means something different.

        • kinther@lemmy.world
          34·
          3 days ago

          Some people actually struggle quite a bit to quit masterbation and pornography. While the science is limited to a few dozen papers, there is some evidence a subset of people do in fact have an unhealthy relationship with porn.

          https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/

          I used to work for a camgirl website and am not a prude by any means. Just sharing what I’ve learned.

          • prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone
            4·
            2 days ago

            Many people only feel the need to “quit” due to social pressures (like from propaganda websites like that). If it’s not interfering with your life (i.e. an actual addiction), then what’s the problem? It’s actually literally healthy for your body.

            • kinther@lemmy.world
              1·
              2 days ago

              I think that in a society like ours where sex is shamed by some groups, there is absolutely a need to break that paradigm and make sex a positive thing. You won’t find me arguing puritan values.

              What I stated is that some people -do- struggle to control themselves. Masterbation by itself is not problematic, but based on what I’ve read, superstimuli like pornography can dampen the response to normal stimulus (eg. real sex). Our brains are complicated and neuroscience is not well understood in this area.

              I’d encourage you to read some of the scientific papers linked on the site and make your own conclusions. I’ve also read papers from the opposite perspective. Both make very good points.